I recently had a session with my sister who is a family and relationship life coach. I asked her If maybe she would give me a session around my relationship with yoga, and she agreed.
I wanted to do this because my relationship with yoga is far from simple, it is a 30 year relationship and like any 30 year relationship it has had its deep challenges as well as it’s profoundly joyful moments.
The session was incredible actually. I was able to talk about complicated moments with my yoga school, with my own practice, with my feelings and emotions. I wanted to explore this for lots of reasons, firstly, to help me continue dissolving my own blocks, but also to be able to share whatever I learn with my blocked students.
One thing that came up was a strong awareness that I was being blocked by fear of the feelings that were coming up when I practiced. Mainly grief and disappointment.
The grief for me is often triggered by some grief I have for loosing my stronger physical practice, but that also taps into deeper wells of old losses and the pain of all life’s griefs surfacing. I had without realising it developed a fear of this experience being overwhelming and it was stopping me from coming to my mat.
Disappointment was vey clearly related to the present moment. I used to be able to practice joyfully and get a powerful flood of joyful energy, but now I can’t and I’m all stiff, sore and blocked. And that feeling of disappointment brushes up against shame, and does not feel at all joyful!
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2023
She gave me 2 incredible tips which I want to share here. The first was to maybe find a time each week to set aside to spend with grief, either within or outside of my yoga practice. To make grief a conscious emotion that I am choosing to spend time with to take the edge off the fear of overwhelm.
Her second tip was. What if when disappointment arises in the practice. I let it be OK, I let myself feel disappointed in that moment and then let it pass and continue. WOW!
I left that session telling her I was excited to feel disappointed in my next practice!
Low and behold I had a practice this morning and I had forgotten about my session. When at a point in my practice I tried a pose and a flood of disappointment all mingled in with grief took over my whole body. I almost had my classic response of ignore it, push through, don’t feel the feelings. But her tips came to mind, and I thought, OH! this is it, this is what stops me, this is just a feeling and it will pass, and it flooded me, and I stayed where I was, and it left, my energy didn’t get blocked. I left the session later and I felt good.
I am sure this is not the end of my relationship with yoga, grief and disappointment, job done, however it is a start, to my efforts to not allow these feelings if I can help it, to halt my practice…
